Just Released: Transcript of last FÖMC meeting
New York City, NY - CNBC Anchor: After a series of lackluster economic reports, the FÖMC has assembled in Washington,D.C. for a meeting with famed financier and Federal Reserve Chairman, Kevin Warsh. And luckily for us, readAI was rolling.
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Kevin Warsh [speaking to the FÖMC]: Alright, guys. I think we're ready to lay down an epic dot-plot. By the way, my name is Kevin Warsh, yes, the Kevin Warsh. And I gotta tell you, you all have got what it takes to be a dynamite team!
Neel Kashkari: Coming from you Kevin, that means alot.
Paul Volcker: Yeah, I mean, you're Kevin Warsh.
Alan Greenspan: This is incredible.
Ben Bernanke: I can't believe Kevin Warsh likes us.
Kevin Warsh: Guys..I put my pants on just like the rest of you, one leg at time...except once my pants are on, I make gold prices rise!
FÖMC: [laughing]
Kevin Warsh: Alright, here we go, let's take a vote on a 25bps rate cut - "Don't Fear The Dot Plot" Take one.
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(Background voices - Jerome Powell annoying other FÖMC members for a 50bps rate cut.)
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Kashkari: Wait! Wait! Kevin, can you jump in here for a minute?
Warsh: That was going to be a great vote, what's the deal?
Kashkari: Are you sure about a 25bps rate cut?
Warsh: I'll be honest fellas. That 'Dot-Plot' was looking great but I could've used a little more -bps. So let's vote again, and Jerome, really explore the global economic impact this time.
Jerome Powell: You got it, Kevin!
Warsh: I mean REALLY explore the global economic impact. I like what you're sayin'! Vote.
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[Elevated voices in background - Jerome Powell really annoying FÖMC members and saying how much Kevin likes him and how they should vote for a 100bps rate cut.]
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Kashkari: Wait! STOP! Kevin, can you get back in here?!
Warsh: Fellas, you've just wasted 2 good hours. This last Dot-Plot was even better than the first.
Kashkari: It's just that I find Jerome's 100bps rate cut gross and distracting. I don't know, if I'm the only one, I'll just shut up.
Volcker: No, it's pretty rough.
Powell: I can dial back the -bps a little if you'd like?
Warsh: Not too much though. I'm telling you fellas, you're gonna want that rate cut on the Dot-Plot.
Powell: No, that's fine. Let's just do this vote.
Warsh: Let's vote.
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[background: Powell overheard sounding like an impetuous child not getting his way...tables and chairs crashing]
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Kashkari: Come on, Jerome!
Powell: No! You come on!
Warsh [enters room]: That, that..doesn't work for me. I gotta have more -bps!
Greenspan: Don't blow this news conference for us, Jerome!
Bernanke: Quit being so dovish Jerome!
Powell: Can I just say one thing?
Warsh: Say it, baby! Just say it!
Powell: I'm standing here staring at finance legend Kevin Warsh...
Warsh: The whip of the bps, baby!
Powell: ...and if Kevin Warsh wants more -bps, we should probably give him more -bps!
Warsh: Say it, baby!
Powell: And Neel, you are right...I am being dovish. But the last time I checked, we don't have a whole lot of Dot Plots that feature the -bps.
Warsh: I gotta have more -bps, baby!
Powell: And I'd be doing our country a disservice and every member of this FÖMC, if I didn't cut the HELL out of this interest rate!
Warsh: Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription...is more -bps!
Powell: Thank you Kevin. But I think if...I think if I just leave...and maybe I'll come back later and we can vote later [starts to leave conference room]
Warsh: Aww, c'mon baby...
Kashkari: Jerome, wait! Why don't you cut that interest rate right now. With us. Together.
Jerome: Do you mean that, Neel?
Kashkari: Oh, yeah.
Volcker: He speaks for all of us.
Powell: Thank you.
Warsh: Babies...before we're done here...y'all be speaking gold-plated jawboning.
Volcker: What does that mean?
Warsh: Never question Kevin Warsh! Vote!
This is fantastic, Andre — a Christopher Walken/"More Cowbell" SNL parody dropped into a Fed meeting is such an unexpected swing, and it lands. "I got a fever, and the only prescription is more -bps!" is exactly the right punchline for anyone who's spent 2026 refreshing rate news. Casting Warsh as the Bruce Dickinson figure with Powell as the Gene Frenkle everyone keeps telling to dial it back is inspired. It also quietly makes a real point under the comedy: rate cuts are theater as much as economics, and everyone in housing is watching that dot plot like it's the last cowbell. Using humor to stay top-of-mind in a feed full of dry rate-update posts is smart content strategy — people remember the one that made them laugh. Great creative risk, and it paid off.
Thank you Chad! I’m glad you liked the the More Cowbell parody. The sophomoric joke only works if it’s tied to the real tension around rate cuts, the dot plot, and housing sentiment. I felt a little absurdity was the right way to make the point. Is the prescription for lower interest rates more -bps? Let's watch... -Andre