Most parents spend their lives thinking about what they'll leave behind.
The house.
The savings.
The investments.
Maybe a little something for each of the grandchildren.
Paul and Caroline started asking a very different question:
What if some of the best things we leave our children aren't things at all?
Their three sons were grown, married, financially independent, and raising families of their own in different parts of the country. Paul and Caroline were proud of the lives their children had built.
They didn't need Mom and Dad's money.
What everyone seemed to need more of was time together.
So Paul and Caroline decided that instead of waiting until they were gone for their children to receive an inheritance, they wanted to use a portion of their home equity to create something the entire family could enjoy while they were still here.
Memories.
When Family Is Everywhere…Except Together
Paul and Caroline had done what they hoped to do as parents.
They raised three sons who became successful, independent adults.
But success came with a downside they hadn't anticipated.
Everyone was busy.
One son lived several states away. Another had children involved in school and sports. The third had a demanding career and a family schedule of his own.
Holidays became complicated.
Someone always had somewhere else to be.
Getting everyone together for more than a day or two became increasingly difficult.
Paul and Caroline realized something else, too.
Their grandchildren were growing up incredibly fast.
There would only be so many summers when everyone could travel together.
Only so many years when the grandchildren would still be children.
They didn't want to spend those years saying:
"Someday, we should all take a trip together."
They wanted someday to become now.
A Different Kind of Retirement Goal
Paul and Caroline owned their home and had accumulated substantial equity over the years.
They also had retirement savings and sufficient income for their lifestyle.
They weren't looking for a reverse mortgage because they couldn't pay their bills.
Their question was completely different.
Could they use some of the wealth they had accumulated to create experiences for their family without unnecessarily disrupting the rest of their retirement plan?
After exploring their options, they established a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage (HECM) with a line of credit of approximately $300,000.
They didn't immediately withdraw all of the money.
That wasn't the plan.
Instead, the credit line became another retirement resource they could draw from strategically over time.
And Paul and Caroline knew exactly what they wanted to use part of it for.
The Family Vacation Fund
Every other year, Paul and Caroline would choose a destination.
Then they'd make the same phone call to all three sons:
"Pick the week. We're taking everyone."
Parents.
Children.
Spouses.
Grandchildren.
Paul and Caroline would cover the major expenses so nobody had to decline because airfare was too expensive or because a family of five couldn't justify the cost of accommodations.
One year might be a large beach house where everyone could stay under the same roof.
Another might introduce the grandchildren to a different part of the world, new foods, unfamiliar traditions, and a culture they had only read about in school.
The destination was almost secondary.
The real gift was having everyone there.
The Moments Money Can't Measure
Think about what those trips gave Paul and Caroline.
Breakfast with their grandchildren every morning.
Family dinners around one enormous table.
Grandpa teaching someone a card game.
Grandma hearing little feet running down the hallway in the morning.
Cousins who lived hundreds of miles apart actually getting to know one another.
Family photographs where, for once, everyone was in the picture.
And experiences their grandchildren might someday tell their own children about.
"Remember when Grandma and Grandpa took all of us...?"
Those were the stories Paul and Caroline wanted to leave behind.
Not just the story of the house they owned.
Using Their Home Equity Intentionally
One feature of a HECM line of credit is that funds don't have to be taken all at once.
Eligible borrowers can access available funds as needs or opportunities arise, subject to the terms of the loan.
Meanwhile, unused borrowing capacity can grow over time based on the HECM's applicable growth rate.
For Paul and Caroline, that flexibility mattered.
Their home equity wasn't suddenly a vacation account to spend without thought.
It remained part of their larger retirement picture.
They simply made a conscious decision that creating experiences with their family was one of the things their retirement assets were meant to accomplish.
Of course, money taken from a HECM isn't free money. Amounts borrowed, along with accrued interest and mortgage insurance, increase the loan balance and generally reduce the equity ultimately remaining in the home.
Paul and Caroline understood that tradeoff.
And they were comfortable with it.
The Inheritance Conversation
Eventually, they talked openly with their sons about their decision.
Paul and Caroline explained that using some home equity today could mean there might be less equity remaining in the house someday.
Their sons' response made the decision even easier.
They didn't need their parents to preserve every dollar for them.
They wanted their parents to enjoy the life they had worked so hard to build.
And they loved the idea of creating experiences together while everyone was healthy enough to enjoy them.
That changed the way Paul and Caroline thought about inheritance.
An inheritance didn't necessarily have to begin after death.
Some of it could be given in laughter.
In plane tickets.
In photographs.
In stories.
And most importantly, in time.
The Bigger Lesson
There is no right answer for how someone should use their home equity in retirement.
For one homeowner, preserving as much equity as possible for heirs may be incredibly important.
For another, home equity may help pay for healthcare, eliminate debt, or provide financial security.
And for someone like Paul and Caroline, intentionally using a portion of that wealth to create meaningful family experiences may align perfectly with their values.
That's why I believe retirement planning needs to begin with a much bigger question than:
"How much money do you want to leave behind?"
Maybe we should also ask:
"What do you want to experience—and who do you want beside you while you still can?"
Final Thoughts
Someday, Paul and Caroline's three sons may inherit whatever remains of their parents' estate.
There may be a house to sell.
There may be investments to divide.
There may be possessions to sort through.
But those won't necessarily be the things their children treasure most.
It may be the photograph from that family dinner.
The story about Grandpa getting everyone lost.
The food Grandma convinced the grandchildren to try.
The cousins laughing until midnight.
Or simply remembering one extraordinary week when nobody had somewhere else they needed to be.
Paul and Caroline decided they didn't want their entire legacy delivered someday through an estate.
They wanted to be there for part of it.
Because sometimes the greatest inheritance we can leave our families isn't something they receive after we're gone.
It's the memories we create with them while we're still here.
Paul and Caroline are an illustrative scenario created to demonstrate one potential use of home equity in retirement; they are not actual clients. A HECM is a loan, and amounts borrowed accrue interest and mortgage insurance and reduce remaining home equity. Borrowers must continue to meet loan obligations, including paying property taxes and homeowners insurance, maintaining the property, and occupying the home as their principal residence. Every family's financial circumstances, goals, and estate-planning priorities are different.
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